The Musings of the Piping Prophet

Editor’s note: Long ago, a collection of wise (or demented) random thoughts (or ravings) was discovered beneath a pile of stale chips in a remote corner of a famed Highland games site. Smelling of fish, they are believed to have been penned by one Angus Óg, self-dubbed “piping prophet.” Angus himself has been lost somewhere in the mists of time, or at least in the dust of a well trampled beer tent. They are reprinted here to touch the minds and hearts of pipers everywhere.

“Angus Óg, piping prophet, decrees that it is time to end the chicanery, the pretense, and the lies, and begin wearing live animal sporrans!

Let’s face it, all the tooled leather and silver baubles are just a distraction from what the sporran truly is—dead animals! Those who wear sporrans of full dead badgers, woodchucks, or fox bodies (complete with heads mind you) have the right idea…almost. Angus Óg says, enough foolishness! Wear the animal alive! Chain his arse around your waist and make the sporran an active part of Highland dress! He’ll be pissed too, which will add to the fun. The more dangerous the animal, the better. Pipe band contests will become more interesting as the sporrans bark and try to bite each other in the band circle.

Think of this the next time you see that raccoon or skunk in your yard. When you watch your kitty cat playing in your living room, just grab some chain and get to work!”